Hey, how about another baby?
Over a year ago I came to Brian and asked about how he would feel if we adopted a baby. At that time the idea of having more children was not something we had talked about. We were done after Ian. We had been blessed with 3 healthy children who were keeping us busy and on our toes. We were settling into our careers and life in general and things were running smoothly. Except, something was missing. Deep down in my heart I felt something was missing. When I started feeling this pull I chalked it up to just watching our kids get older and being less dependent on us. I was surely just missing the “baby years” and the times of dependence. Life was changing before our very eyes and my heart was just having a hard time with this. But, this feeling wouldn’t go away. In fact, it seemed to get stronger and more pronounced, as if someone was yelling in my ear, “come on, you guys are adopting, get to it!” Now, I have heard others talk about God speaking to them in more direct ways but I will admit I had not experienced that in my own personal life. I pray and “talk” to God regularly. I read God’s word and wrap myself in all his grace and mercies but hearing him talk so directly to me is something I had not experienced. But I assure you that the voice in my heart was God. He was tugging at my heart and trying to get my mind to listen, to stop pushing the voice down, to stop denying his plan for our family. After coming to the conclusion that if God is making this so clear to me, how can I deny his purpose for us, it seemed like this would be our plan.
I anxiously went to Brian to tell him that God had a plan for us and that plan was to adopt a child. Now, I’m not sure why I went anxiously because anyone who knows Brian knows he is always up for a challenge, so, without hesitation my amazing, faithful and courageous husband said “yes.” Although I was expecting his response, it left me feeling more anxious, because I had just said something out loud that sounded crazy in my brain and he had agreed! We began praying about it and sharing it with some close friends so they could pray too. We needed God to continue molding the path and opening the doors to really show us our way in this. You see, we were faithful in pursuing and in recognizing his plan for us but it was still scary. Throughout the months of prayer and research there were moments of questioning, questioning our ability to take this on, questioning bringing our children alongside us in this, questioning our financial ability to cover the costs, questioning whether or not this was truly God’s plan (as if God is confusing when he directly points you down a clear path!). We met with another couple who adopted domestically and they answered all sorts of questions we had, talked us through their journey and helped light a fire even brighter in our hearts for God’s plan.
We started calling local agencies and were told by the first, which was the one we had desired to seek adoption through, was closing their domestic adoption program. The second place we called said they were not taking new families. I became somewhat disheartened. What was God telling us through this? He had pushed us this far and now he closes doors. We tried another, Bethany Christian Services, and this time found that they were taking new families into their domestic adoption program. We completed our pre-application (the first of many mounds of paperwork!) and completed an online orientation. We started our trainings and received our application.
In June of 2018 on a beach in New Jersey we told our kids that we were pursuing adoption. They were overjoyed, supportive and excited. God again was showing us to trust his path. Our children were in, they were all in! We submitted our formal application in August of 2018, after filling every document out, having fingerprinting and clearances completed and attending doctors’ appointments. It felt like a daunting process, it was somewhat discouraging but each check we placed next to our “to dos” was one step down the path that God had carved for our family. We stayed faithful, we prayed and we relied on His direction with each step.
The Waiting
After submitting the formal application we were approved quickly. We were told it would be about 2 weeks until our caseworker would contact us to set up home visits. 2 weeks came and went, then 2 more and 2 more. I checked in, always told it would just be a couple more weeks. I kept telling myself there was meaning in the waiting and in time God would reveal this lesson in waiting to me. But, deep down in my heart I thought about this process and how I could endure this race, how I could keep this up and have faith and give up all the control to Him. I was questioning this path and I would be lying if I said I questioned why we had ever started this. The waiting was so hard. The lack of control was so hard. You start this process and have all these expectations and ideas and then God steps in and says, “but wait, I have bigger plans for you! I will be faithful to you, I will provide and you just have to have faith and believe.” And wow did God show up big on this one, throwing the most amazing curve ball we never saw coming and placing us at a fork in our path that he would guide and direct so beautifully that we would never look back and be blown away by his grace and mercies. Because during the waiting, and even in the things that felt like “setbacks” along the way God showed us our path so clearly.
Two separate things occurred that would lead us to a place that would change our lives forever. During the waiting our family participated in the Down syndrome walk in September 2018. We had participated the year before and were back to support our buddy Ezra. Andrew, our oldest, had been a community helper at his elementary building a couple years ago and was assigned to help a student with Down syndrome named Ezra walk out at dismissal each day. His love and compassion for this student was immeasurable from the moment he started. He was inquisitive about Ezra and realized right in front of his eyes that God created this happy little boy for the world to love and despite his challenges was a super star. At that walk in September of 2018 Brian felt a connection to that community, to the people and supports surrounding this population. He didn’t say this directly to me but I believe God planted that thought in his heart for the right moment. Because shortly after that I came across something on the Bethany Facebook page about the Bamboo Project, a project specific to Bethany, meaning if those other two places had of had a domestic program or been taking new families we possibly would have never been introduced too. This project was started to help bring awareness and increase adoption among waiting children with Down syndrome in other countries, countries where access to all the amazing things we experienced and witnessed at that walk are not necessarily present. My heart broke for these children. On a drive home from an adoption training I brought the possibility of a special needs adoption up to Brian. We had already ruled out international adoption because the cost was too great. It just wasn’t an option. Until God said it was. On that ride home I talked about the Bamboo project, Brian talked about his feelings at the walk and we quickly realized this was surely what was happening in our waiting. God had this planned all along, he knew what he was doing. The path God carves for us doesn’t always come on our time, it doesn’t always happen how we want it to or look what we think it should look like, it comes on His terms and He was making sure we heard Him loud and clear. How silly we were to question His timing.
Right around that same time we received confirmation that we would have our first home study visit for the domestic program. It was at that first visit, the one we had waiting so long for, the one we thought would never happen, that we asked about the Bamboo project. She recommended we fill out the pre-application to see if we would qualify for international adoption and if so in which countries. She finished her visit, taking some information down about our family but not moving too far ahead due to our uncertainty. That night after placing our kids to bed we completed our pre-application. We found out quickly we were eligible to adopt from China.
God’s path becomes clear…..
From there things moved quickly, we met with a family who adopted through the Bamboo project, we met with someone who is full of wisdom about caring for adults with Down syndrome and we met with the adoption workers at Bethany to get questions answered. Because we had so many questions. We needed to know exactly what we were getting into. Not because we doubted God’s plan but because God knew we needed these people. We feel that God placed each of these people we met with leading up to our decision into our path to show his plan more clearly and start creating and weaving together some of the best supports we could ever have. Again, God knew what he was doing. In late November 2018 we committed fully to adopting a waiting child with Down syndrome from China. We were thrown from a process that seemed to move at a snail’s pace to a process that was warp speed. We started our home study in December and completed it in January, with it being approved in February 2019. As we met with our worker and gained more insight into this journey our hearts were ever present and comforted in knowing that God would provide all we needed to take more steps down this path. And He has so many times over. He has opened doors, created opportunities and not only spurred our hearts on but our friends and families hearts as well. Not one person we have shared our journey with has even looked remotely confused by what we were doing. We have been met with support, love, prayer and a desire to learn more so they can be a person to love on and support our child. We have been blown away and humbled by what God has shown us and we aren’t even done yet!
Sweet Ellie
In February 2019 we were informed that we had been matched with the most precious and perfect 3 year old little girl with Down syndrome from China. Knowing that God had matched her with us and that way back in fall of 2017 when He whispered ever so gently into my heart about adopting this was His plan all along was such a beautiful experience of His perfect love for us. So what’s next……lots more paperwork! We are pursuing our sweet Ellie Zhang Gard with everything we have. We have completed our referral acceptance paperwork, we have submitted our immigration paperwork and once our fingerprints are back we will submit our Dossier. Then we will wait. We have become accustomed to this waiting. But it doesn’t seem all that terrible anymore because we have come to realize the beauty in the waiting and the work that God is doing during that time. This isn’t to say it makes it easier but “we chose this,” and we will keep choosing it, no matter how hard it gets. So, as we work to complete the paperwork, wait and work on how to come up with the money to bring her home we will pray and seek God’s guidance in our next step down this amazing path he has placed us on. We will not grow weary and we will faithfully follow His plan.
“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.”
Psalm 138:8
time!
Gard Family Adoption Adventure 