Well, after 16 months of having our dossier registered in Bulgaria we have an official referral and we could not be more excited! We started this process in January of 2021 thinking we’d have a child home by 2023. This journey has been so so hard for many reasons but here we are, reflecting on all the ups and downs and feeling joy that overwhelms us. As we do reflect on those things we are once again reminded that God directs the timing of all things and it is up to us to not only have faith in His timing but also convey to him all the emotions, thoughts and feelings that come along with not having control of that timing. I can recall countless times of anger, sadness and confusion along the way that led to some questioning of God and the whys I did not have answers to, the things that did not make sense and the pain and time it caused. But I was reminded by some wise people who have walked alongside us closely in this journey that this is part of it all and that God does not shy away from all the things and accepts them, providing us with unmatched grace and mercy that we will not find anywhere else. I also believe in that Walmart parking lot in Florida on Tuesday April 2, 2024 when I opened up my email to discover our referral that he felt so happy knowing that in that moment he got to experience our family receiving this joyful news, knowing that he already knew this is the way it would have unfolded. He knew this moment would come, even though I felt doubts. And God has a sense of humor…..he plopped this right in the midst of our oldest graduating high school, attending college orientation and having his open house. No Big Deal!
When we first had our home study registered in December 2022 we had identified we were seeking to adopt a girl ages 0-5 with Down syndrome. This was outlined in our home study and approved through all the avenues. Along with this we completed an openness form (which was 15 pages long!) that allowed us to check all the things we were and were not open to and might be unsure of. I spent hours, scouring information to figure out what the medical terms met and what they required when filling out this form and checked yes to most items. This form was submitted along with our home study and a stack of many other documents. At the beginning of registration we were told it would likely be 3-5 months for a referral to be presented to us. But more than likely we’d be matched by June 2023. Well, 3-5 months and then June passed and no referral came. When we hit our 1 year mark we had to update our home study and had some conversations with our agency about many things, including our openness, as we truly were open to many disabilities and needs alongside or outside of Down syndrome. At that point 2 years had passed since we started our second adoption process and we just felt so ready to add a child to our family, regardless of their needs! In our update we added more things we would be open to along with DS. This updated home study was submitted in January 2024 and our referral was provided less than 3 months later. I give this background only to provide insight into the process and how things can change and how we have zero control of many of the details. I also share this because the little girl we have been matched with does not have Down syndrome. And although this was our original plan this child is simply amazing and we believe God chose her so long agao to be a part of our family regardless of what we went into this originally thinking. She was placed in our path when it was time, not our time but his time. We believe he knew all along this would be our journey and that she would be ours.
Our newest addition is just over a year old (which means she wasn’t even born when we started this process!). She has chunky little cheeks and ringlets of black hair. And although she does not have DS she does have multiple diagnoses that will require support. surgeries and insights from those that understand them better than we do. And although we’d love to share more about those, we also want to respect aspects of her story and protect those spaces. I’m abosultey opne to having personal conversations but do not want to place all her personal information in this format, so reach out if you want to hear more! What we can share is that we are so fortunate to live in an area that allows us great access to amazing care and therapies and also privileged to have insurance that allows us to use various providers if needed. We also live in an area that has made strides in accepting who people are, embracing disabilities and removing stigma related to what were once believed to be reasons to exclude and discount and for that I am grateful. Watching Ellie over the past almost 5 years be a part of her community with those around her embracing her has been more than we could have ever hoped for. Not to say this hasn’t required work and there have been experiences of disappointment and sadness but for the most part it has been encouraging! I hold tight to the moments when those around us just “get it” and I try to focus on those over the things that have created adversity. But even in those moments of adversity we have been met with opportunities to educate, grow and learn and I hope that from them anyone involved can walk away and do better the next time. As they say “when you know better, you do better.”
So what is next? We will travel to Bulgaria at the end of May (so soon!) to meet her and have 5 days of visits for a minimum of 2 hours each day. We will then complete documents while there to accept the referral and come home. She will remain in Bulgaria until all the immigration and court processes are complete to finalize the adoption. Once that happens we will fly back and pick her up. Our agency has told us it is likely she will be home by October of this year but it could be sooner and it could be later. It’s all dependent on how much time it takes to process and get court completed. They typically say 3-6 months between trip 1 and 2, but based on the way this has gone we have learned not to rely too heavily on timelines provided and instead know that it will happen when it is supposed to happen. But that doesn’t stop us from hoping it is sooner versus later!
Thank you to those of you who have stuck around for this journey, to those that have prayed, provided words of hope and have navigated all the ups and downs along the way. And please don’t disappear once she is home and this part of our journey is finished. We learned the first time around that the rallying of people is so fierce when we are walking the path to get to our child but once they are home it can become eerily quiet. Some of that is needed, as the transition home and bonding require families “cocoon” themselves in and limit visitors and engagement from those outside the immediate family for a period of time. However, if you have walked the journey of adoption or walked alongside someone who has you might notice it can be very isolating and lonely during that time. So, check in, ask for updates, keep praying and provide encouragement. It’s all needed.
We are so excited to move ahead and bring this girl home and although we can’t share pictures now we will when we can. But for now, here is a picture of our family, on our favorite island for spring break, celebrating the news we had found out earlier that week in a Walmart parking lot in Florida during a period of time in our lives that is filled with transitions, joy, grief and change. I mean why not bring home another child in the mix of all the things we have going on. Is there really a perfect time anyways? Is there really a moment where we would get that email and think, “wow, this really fits perfectly into what we have going on now? It’s not going to impact us or our family at all!” Nope! This is the most perfect time no matter what and we will remember and reflect on this journey and the timing forever and be thankful for another moment when God has embraced us with his perfect plan for us and we will learn and grow in our faith and how blessed we are to have these experiences time and time again.
Not ready to share her name, which was placed on this heart in shells, but we will in due time!
Gard Family Adoption Adventure 